Fishfinger Sandwiches

Here I am a fully paid up member of the sandwich generation. I care for my elderly parents, two kids and I have a long suffering husband. Oh and we have a wonderful springer spaniel who has a dodgy back and wobbly heart who says things are always straightforward, even the dog needs extra care.

Boy is a handsome pre-teen, funny  independent and not forgetting untidy. Girl is tenacious, loving and very chatty, yes very chatty so much so that it often turns into “white noise” and I don’t realise she is actually speaking to me. Am I a bad mum? Yep at times but aren’t we all at other times I’m an awesome mum and most of the time I’m an adequate but very loving mum.

Wife to husband of 25 years.  We have laughs we have tears and we also live with depression. It’s not a bad thing at all it is just part of our relationship sometimes the black dog is so big in our home we feel stifled by its presence, others it’s just sat outside the window looking on ready for a visit or loitering around the home but we have control, acknowledgement and acceptance.

Daughter to my wonderful parents, married for 65 years, parents of 6 for over 60 years and parents to me for 46. Dad is 87 and Mum is 85. For the last 3-4 years I have been active in their care from cleaning the house to appointment escort. Latterly that has involved bathing and caring for mum as her health has declined and even more recently finding out about the challenges of Dementia. I don’t really know how it got to be an almost a full time job – just checking that they were ok on a daily basis to making sure I was there most of the time – it just happened.  It is a time of my life that has seen the biggest heartbreak and pain so far but a time I appreciate that I have been there for them.

Businesswoman? Well there hasn’t been time for any of that over the last few years I have been kidding myself, ran a networking group and inspired a few people. What is the saying so much to do so little time?  So my business my promotion has taken a back, back seat so far back that the seat is still in the station and the train has left without the carriage. I have previous success in business and one family member once said that he thought I would always be the first millionaire in the family… Where did it go wrong? Well the fat lady hasn’t sung yet so watch this space.

I have kept a fairly active social media presence, mostly on facebook with a couple of pages and seen various amounts of success.  But no actual being in front of people,  helping them grow and develop and making a difference like I want to, like I deserve to. My big fat hairy goals in business are to have a blog that makes people think, laugh and maybe even cry. Publish a couple of books and become a respected speaker somewhere along the lines of Richard McCann he is ace and a great inspiration. I have trained with him and will continue to do so along with the guys from the Public Speaking Academy too.

Things are different now. Mum is in the process of taking residence in a nursing home. Wow, that sounds so heartless but believe me it’s not. It is heart breaking – more of that later.

So I have a little bit more time on my hands. A teeny tiny bit. But more to the point I’ve had a realisation. I am 46 years old. I have a minute pension from a short civil service career. I do not own my own home, I have no savings at all and we live on the breadline. I am the only person that can do anything about my current circumstances and its time I went from Sandwiches to Caviar.  Please note this is a metaphor I’m not too keen on bread unless my husband has made it and I don’t think I like caviar. I want to provide for my kids not only with love that they get in abundance (along with a good dollop of boundaries and common sense). But I want to lead by example, so they can see you make your own way in life by being authentic,  showing respect and having fun. I want to unleash my entrepreneurial spirit and show them the way. I want to be at home, working and playing on something that I want to do that brings joy to me and my family. I love my life, I love those in and around it – Just like I love Fish finger Sandwiches, sometimes you need a bit more flavour and something extra.

I want an income that will enable us to go on holiday when we want, (shock horror even being able to afford holidays in school holidays). At present we don’t have passports; that will change. We deserve a lovely house with a huge garden that the kids can have a tree house and a trampoline. We all deserve nice things and so I’m sharing some of my dreams with you a big car preferably yellow so easy to spot in car parks that I love to drive, maybe a horse and maybe a swimming pool. We deserve choices and options.

I will also tythe 10% of my earnings to charities and causes close to my heart and ultimately I will set up a foundation / charity and that will be my legacy.

How am I going to make this transition from Sandwiches to Caviar? I don’t know yet I have lots of ideas and I have lots of support from my family and my friends.

It’s not going to be easy, it’s probably not going to be pretty, It won’t be fun all the time but I will get there.

This will be my keep on track journal blog. I will record the journey with mum and dad, I’ll record my family life and I will record my toe in the water to becoming financially sound and building the foundations for that foundation. I am building not only my future but a legacy.

Feel free to join me for the ride, and keep me on track.

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