What do Elaine Mitchell and One Direction have in common?
Answer A Sabatical I’ve had mine and they are due one. (aren’t they)
I know I haven’t written for a long time. For those of you who follow my facebook page will know that sadly mum passed away on Bank holiday Monday 31st August.
During this period it just didn’t feel right for me to be blogging about what was happening at the nursing home, subsequently planning and holding her funeral. (which was as lovely as they can be just as she would have wanted it) Then grieving and being with Dad.
I just didn’t feel I could share my emotions as they were so raw and still are. Plus I was on the journey with Dad, and my 5 siblings. Not forgetting helping the kids deal with the loss of their beloved Nannan.
I recall when we were going through the adoption process with our boy other parents would say something along the lines of you won’t know what has hit you when you become a parent. We would be there thinking how hard can it be. We have babysat lots we have lots of nieces and nephews and we have a dog.
But wow they were right. Nothing prepares you.
The exact same thing happens when you lose a parent. Even though we knew the day would arrive sooner rather than later. Even though we were so emotionally and physically drained. Even though mum was sleeping most of the time and she had no quality of life during her final weeks.
Well there are no words to describe, unless you have lost a parent you will not know.
We hadn’t had a proper phone conversation since around February, now when something happens I think about picking up the phone and calling Mum. But I can’t. Our girl talks about her a lot and the other day she asked why I didn’t cry so much now, “Was I not missing Nannan as much?” Oh I am and I’m holding her in my heart the holding is gentle, not as raw. I see things now and think mum would love that. Or that would drive mum nuts.
Then it just hits you when you least expect it, when you are telling a support worker that Dad is on his own now, when you realise that Dad tells hospital staff that he is married because he doesn’t want to say the word widowed.
Everything is the same but not the same,
There have been to two weddings since mum, The first one was my friends down in Milton Keynes, It was the Saturday before mums funeral and I was a bit of a wreak, especially as the bride handed me her beautiful bouquet for Mum. I was blown away by such a selfless act, such a wonderful friend to give me her wedding bouquet to respect my mum with. She had never met mum, but she knew mum loved flowers and wanted to show her respects.
The next wedding was my newphew’s, unique and quirky, with lots of surprises but also a bittersweet day. It was held on mum and dads 65th wedding anniversary. Always going to be a challenge to get through the day without blubbering. I think I managed until around 3 minutes into the ceremony when they mentioned their anniversary and mum not being there. I am sure I did the loudest snorting cry recorded in history. (If there are such recordings)
The bride is part of a choir and surprised her new husband with a solo in church. He is a big Sheffield Wednesday fan and she had also arranged for the Wednesday band to be there on exiting the church. That drew the crowds.
The reception was held in a museum, with photo booth, pie and peas and Mexican serenading. Unfortunately Dad collapsed at the reception so my brother and I escorted him to hospital where he stayed for a further 3 days. He is on the road to recovery but it was a bit hairy. We have probably spent so much time tending to mums needs and putting her requirements first and we have maybe put Dads decline in health down to grief and exhaustion.
So there you go probably the last 3months in a nutshell of course lots more has happened, I’ve had an article published in the local newspaper, I won a competition to have a style consultation and photo shoot, Just got the results in today from that but I will tell you about that later, here’s a sneaky peak!
I have started a flower arranging course. This was a passion of mums she used to work in a florist and also did my wedding flowers. Serendipity at its best I saw an article for it and joined the course. Just a couple of hours a week but I really enjoy, releasing my creative diva.
It’s good to be back writing, I have lots to say including writing a book. I have set myself the challenge of.
I’ve recently spoken at a mums in business networking meeting which received positive feedback plus I’m committed to doing a presentation at a networking event in the New Year. Its the day before my birthday and there will be wine I am reliably informed.
Thank you for all your kind words, support and the love sent to me and my family since mum passed away it really has made a difference. Again, something that I underestimated, I honestly thought who would want a card, a text or a phone call when in such pain. But it does make a difference.
So if you have a friend in need send that card, text or make a call it will help.